That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
