Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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