"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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