I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
