Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
