A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
