Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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