Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
