And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry about my life...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize