I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
