Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
