K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
