Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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