its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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