Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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