margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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