just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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