I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
