We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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