I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
