please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
