like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize