one might say we're banned from that church
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
