How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
