Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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