At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
