I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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