if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
