I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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