so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
