you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
