forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
