youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
