After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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