I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my sisters under your porch take her home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
