I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
