hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
