if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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