capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
