Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
