i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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