I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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