The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
