WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
