oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
