Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
