he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize