All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
