i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will pee on everything he values.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
