Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
