last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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