Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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