Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
