It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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