just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
