i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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