I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
