Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
