i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
