mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
