if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize