alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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