The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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