My nipple is on Facebook.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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