im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
