I wish I could teleport
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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