If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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