I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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