the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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