i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
