I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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