the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
