after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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