Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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