I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
