Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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