and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
