is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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