You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
