We're facebook friends in real life
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
