I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
