Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
