He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
