That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
