The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
