I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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