I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize