Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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