but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
