then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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