So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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