I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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