stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
