Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
