Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How does one acquire holy water?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
