He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
