in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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