I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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