Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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