I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He shit in the fireplace
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
