I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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