So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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