party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
