Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
