I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
