Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She said her name was "party"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
