sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
