your room smells of hookers.
And success
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
