Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
