Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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