I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
