we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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