im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
