I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
