The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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