Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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