Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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