Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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