After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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