I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
